always be
by CherryFlavoredChalk
Summary: 13 drabbles, 13 relationships. If I had a heart, you'd make it beat faster.


**Summary:** 13 drabbles, 13 relationships. "If I had a heart, you'd make it beat faster."

**Special Dedication:** It's a bittersweet occasion. Today (and several years ago), a close friend was born. Today, someone close to _**Static Lull**_ died. This is to make both of them smile.

**Author's Note:** The drabbles seem fluid in their wording, I think. I don't know, but I really liked writing these (they're short, but plentiful). I don't have much to say, actually, so let's just go.

* * *

**i.** **_knife_**

Riku goes through girls like newly born infants go through diapers, but he hasn't found what he's looking for. He wants to find that one girl—that delightfully adorable person who will dissect his heart with a steak knife, analyze it, and call it nothing.

Kairi couldn't do it. Selphie wouldn't do it.

It'd be just as well if Sora wanted to, but he's too busy being sugarysweetwonderful with Kairi. So, Riku is screwed.

But along comes Leon, and he scares him and makes him fret and squirm—Beautifully brunet boy (beggars can't be choosers) eating his heart, analyzing it, calling it nothing.

_Bliss._

* * *

**ii**. **_gibberish_**

Demyx wants to keep talking nonsense forever.

_"Butterfly, flutterbly…butter on a fly, flies on butter—golly, miss molly—"_

He wants to stay the same; stupid, senseless blonde boy mullet-musician who speaks fluent Gibberish and botches his missions. Sits in an imaginary meadow and shoots the breeze with Zexion, who looks as if he could care less.

_"Souls for hire, hearts made of wire—"_

If it seems that all he's capable of is twaddle, then they'll never ask him questions. They'll never want to ask.

_"Tripped up your rainbow, sat on your love, went squish-squash like Granny's paper hat—"_

And that's the way he likes it.

* * *

**iii.** **_kiss kiss bang bang_**

Luxord wants a gun.

Specifically, he wants Xigbar's gun; smooth black metal, killing beads in its mouth. Specifically, not his. It's got to be Xigbar's.

If he has Xigbar's gun then soon enough, the marksman himself will come stumping along; furious and spitting enough obscenities to choke a horse.

If Xigbar tracks him down, Luxord can shoot him and take back his heart (or at least, what's left of it).

* * *

**iv._ everlasting_**

Lexaeus likes all of Zexion's faces. Angry, disappointed, amused, distraught, scheming—he knows them all and loves them all unconditionally, like how a father loves his children.

There's one expression that Lexaeus has never seen on Zexion's face (and it's not as if it's likely to appear there, for Zexion is proud and stubborn, and that, perhaps, is what Lexaeus loves…and abhors…about him).

Helplessness.

As much as Lexaeus cares for him, he'd lovelovelove (more than anything) to see Zexion looking up at him, with all his armor destroyed and to need him.

Just. Him.

* * *

**v.** **_snaps_**

Roxas would like the ability to have snappy comebacks. He'd like to be able to tell Saix just where to stuff it when the Superior's lackey belittles him, or how to respond when Axel teases him mercilessly.

The blonde may be intelligent, but an inventor of witty, rapid-fire comebacks he is not.

He spends the time before his next joint mission with Axel creating a list of sentences sparkling with searing wit and memorizes them, word for word.

But when they finish their battle with the Heartless, and Roxas turns to Axel (he can taste the barb on his tongue, he can smell it, and it'll feel lovely to one-up the redhead), Axel turns around quickly, spitting out a rapid-fire **_"Iloveyou"_** like some bizarre voodoo chant.

Axel chokes, and suddenly, the comebacks (snap, snap, snap) melt away on the flesh of Roxas's tongue.

* * *

**vi.** **_off with their heads_**

Larxene enjoys the moments when Namine cowers, shrugs her shoulders, and picks up her crayons in defeat. She likes the way that the younger girl flinches when it's the sadistic woman's turn to baby-sit the little _witch_, the little _sorceress_.

She especially likes it when Namine flicks her pale, hypothermia-blue eyes to her, and then Larxene can snarl, "What're you looking, witch? Get back to your pictures. Get back to ruining that little innocent's life."

It's fun to watch her shrink inside herself. It has that same aura as popping the heads off daisies or plucking the wings off butterflies—you knew you shouldn't do it, but it's not as if anyone would say anything about it, so why not?

And Larxene loved it. Popping daisy's heads with her thumb, pulling the gossamer wings from insects, all of it.

She loves it as much as she (doesn't) hate Namine.

* * *

**vii.** **_scientific explanation_**

Zexion wants a reason. Or, more accurately, he doesn't want a reason.

He wants to be able to receive a hug from Demyx without having the sitarist ask, "Why?"

He wants to be able to put ketchup on his eggs without Vexen questioning as to why he does that.

He wants to be able to shout at Lexaeus without there being an explanation.

Zexion is a schemer, but his thoughts are those of a dreamer's—reasons why without there really being a reason why.

* * *

**viii.** **temper temper**

Marluxia wants to scream.

And scream.

And scream.

Until someone's stupid enough to ask what's wrong, and then he can blame them all.

"NAMINE AXEL LARXENE ROXAS LOVE SAIX SUPERIOR XALDIN LOVE LEXAEUS ZEXION VEXEN LOVE XIGBAR LUXORD DEMYX LOVE NAMINE NAMINE NAMINE NAMINE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE."

Scream himself hoarse, clear his throat, scream again.

Until someone notices. Until someone cares.

And. Just. **Asks**.

* * *

**ix.** **_where have all the flowers gone?_**

_Flowers,_ thinks Vexen, _don't grow here._

He looks around blankly, thinks about asking Marluxia to create some, and eventually doesn't.

But it makes him feel…something. A little bit sad, but mostly nothing.

* * *

**x.** **_Novocain_**

Onetwothreefour**FIVE** sugar-shots to the brain, that's what Kairi is. So sugary sweet, it makes your teeth rot. Cavities and diabetes are suddenly inevitable. If she was a coffee cup, she'd be one containing at least five creams and sugars.

Most people are surprised to know that Sora drinks his coffee black.

(Straight pain; hold the novacain please and thank you, sweetheart.)

She's nice and all, but sometimes Sora looks at her and just feels…confused. As if there's someone else to be with. As if he ought to be somewhere else.

_"All I need is…"_

Not-you. Someone, anyone, but. Not. You.

He misses the ache in his chest. The sedative numbs the pain and orders him to forget, but he still thinks about it.

* * *

**xi. _straight to the heart_**_"Bang bang baby bang bang—"_

Xigbar is an excellent marksman. No fear, no nothing, just a one-two hit to the vital organs with a perfectly aimed gun. Cocks his head to the side and grins a self-satisfied, black-eye-patch smirk.

_"Gimme a kiss before you go—"_

He likes to shoot at Demyx when he's not paying attention. Makes him jump, squeal, turn and **whine**.

_"Kiss kiss baby bang bang bang shoot me dead darling kiss me red shoot me I know you're missing on purpose—"_

Xigbar tells him _"If I shoot you one day…"_ and Axel suggests slyly that now is the time for beautiful executions.

Xigbar takes aim, shoots the area above Axel's shoulders. The redhead jumps, squeals, turns and **whines** at him, all innocent questions of _"Why'd you **DO** that?"_ He's not as cute as Demyx.

Xigbar's lip curls.

"Get out of here."

* * *

**xii.** **_just peachy_**

If she was dead, it'd be fine.

If she was alive, that'd be okay.

Screaming's alright, fighting's joyous, crying's beautiful, shakingbeggingsinging—all shades of lovely.

Kairi can do anything she wants, as long as she doesn't leave Namine's side.

_Don't ever leave…so long, so long that I've had someone to talk to…don't leave._

**Dying.**

Wasted blue eyes, bruise-colored rings under them. Scrawny body. Wasting away. She's as good as dead without her hero.

Namine smiles. That's fine.

* * *

**xiii.** **_"Love me, love I...love you."_**

In a way, Axel loves them all. He loves his fellow criminals, he loves SoraRikuKairi (the golden trio, always interlocked).

He even loves Namine, to an extent. Horrid little girl, useless, of small bravery…dead already. No saving **that** one.

Of course, he loves Roxas more than all of them combined, but that's to be expected.

Places his favorite person's hand on his chest and says, "If I had a heart, you'd make it beat faster."

"That's nice."

"And if I had to kill you, I'd sacrifice someone else. Like, I'd kill Demyx and just say it was you. None one knows, everyone's happy."

Blue eyes roll heavenward. "Gosh, Axel, you romantic fool."

"Or I'd just kill myself. Avoid the task. Yanno."

_No one knows, everyone's happy._

"Or maybe we'd run away." Roxas says quickly.

"Maybe we'll fall in love."

"Don't have hearts. Can't fall in love."

Axel scribbles on a paper, cuts it out and throws it at the blonde. "there's your damned heart, Roxas. Now tell me you love me."

The boy tugs idly on his friend's hair, paper heart cut-out forgotten on the floor. "Eh."

"Is that all?"

"Fine. I love you, Axel. Happy?"

"Sounds dumb when you say it."

Exasperated huff, hands on hips. Mock anger has never looked so cute. "Screw you."

They know it, they feel it. It's better when no one says it. It's better when they just know the feeling is there.

* * *


End file.
